C

This passage that begins Chapter four of Chilcote's book is the passage of the Prodigal son. I have heard countless sermons and illustrations looking at this passage, many of which pull out vivid depictions of the return of the son that sinned. In my own life though I many times do not feel like I fit in the prodigal sons story. Sure I have sinned and continue to sin, but many times I feel more like the older brother that has been working in the Fields and feels somehow slighted when the prodigal returns. Am I just simply working under the Father and never really understanding who the Father is? Do I have the same passions for the prodigal son when he returns? Or do I simply see it as another time that God overlooks the work that I have been doing for Him...

A

We often confuse unconditional love with unconditional approval. God loves us without conditions but does not approve of every human behavior. God doesn;t approve of betrayal, violence, hatred, suspicion, and all other experssions of evil, becasue they all contradict the love God wants to instill in the human heart. Evil is the absence of God's love. Evil does not belong to God.
God's unconditional love means that God continues to love us even when we say or think evil things. God continues to wait for us as a loving parent waits for the return of a lost child. It is important for us to hold on to the truth that God never gives up loving us even when God is saddened by what we do. That truth will help us to return to God's ever-present love.

-Henri Houwen "The Only Necessary Thing" page 68

Unconditional love is so difficult a concept for us to understand. I feel awkward demonstrating and encouraging unconditional love to those in my congregation because it allows someone to hurt us. Nouwen says that unconditional love does not give unconditional approval, which is true, but it does it still puts anyone that exhibits it in a precarious position. I don;t want to love everyone unconditionally. I want to love those that do right to me. I want to love my neighbor as long as my neighbor doesn;t do anything that hurts me or my loved ones in some way. This is the antithesis of unconditional love though, and that is what makes it so difficult for me and for everyone.

B

It is difficult for me to sit in silence. Sitting in silence continually brings me back to pain in my life, because that is when I sit in silence. I sat in silence as my mother fought non-hodgkins lymphoma. I sat in silence when my father was diagnosed with hepatitis, and later when we have come to the realization that there is no cure for him. I sat in through the death of family pets. In the last decade I have sat in silence as all four grandparents died as well as an aunt and an uncle. I sat in silence when I heard my friend through grade school and middle school died in a car accident after he fell asleep at the wheel. I have sat in silence on countless occasions as my wife cried her eyes out for her mother and sister's fight with Huntington's disease. I sat in silence when I had come back from a trip only to find my friends mother had died and I had not been there with him. I sat in silence when the church that I grew up in, proposed in, and was married in told me that I was not good enough for the position that I was in and would be replaced. I sat in silence with my long time friend and mentor as his sins with an underage girl caught up to him and now finds himself in a 4 x 8 cell. I sat in silence during his trial and sentencing. Most recently I sat in silence on the couch as we cried over the death of our unborn child. It is difficult for me to sit in silence.

C

Still for thy loving kindness, Lord,
I in thy temple wait;
I look to find thee in thy Word,
Or at thy table meet.

Here in thine own appointed ways
I wait to learn thy will;
Silent I stand before thy face,
And hear thee say, "Be still!"

These words are from a hymn entitled "Still for thy Loving Kindness, Lord." Silence and stillness are difficult for me to do on a regular basis. It is one of those things that does not come natural for my walk with God. I constantly must be doing something. During reading, homework or whatever I usually have music or the television on and sometimes both because I feel closer to who I am in times of chaos. I will continue to work on my times of silence and solitude as I work through this course. For my book report I selected a book by Thomas Merton called "Thoughts in Solitude" Hopefully this will continue to get me to think the solitude that I should have in my life.

B

The following are three letters that I wrote during class on April 14. I felt that the exercise done in class was extremely productive and wanted to include them on my blog. The first letter is me to God, the second is God to me, and the third is me to me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear God,

I encounter you every week, however, many times throughout the week I feel that You are distant from me. Sunday's at Terra Nova I feel close to you and close to the rest of my community of believers, however, through the week I miss your presence. I realize this may totally be my fault because my devotions and prayer are sporadic at best. At the same time, I go to seminary, work at a church, and know that you are everywhere. If I can find you everywhere then why don't I?
This 'everywhere' has been difficult for me to grasp especially this past week. I felt Your presence while my wife and I cried on the couch, but where were you earlier when my baby died? How is it something that seemed so God-inspired, like our pregnancy, ended so needlessly and tragically. Why is it that a being that I never met, and up until two months ago never knew existed, meant so much to me?
It seems that every year for the last seven years, we receive information that destroys my wife and I...an yet also unites us. Why is the Spring time our valley? I hope. I pray. I await Your answer.

Dustyn

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dustyn,

I love you. It was not my plan for this devastation to befall you and humanity. This cost you, and it cost me just as much if not more. My heart breaks for you just like it breaks for all my children on the planet. I am here with you through the pain.
I love your questions so continue to ask them. Never cease looking for the answers. Continue serving, loving, caring, and sharing. Do not let atrocities like losing a child dissuade you from following Me. Use these life situations to help others going through the same problems.
Remember I was with your baby from the very beginning, even when it was created. I held it in My hands while still in the womb, and loved it before, during and after its life ceased. It is with me and wishes to see you. I am sorry its creation has caused you pain, but understand that I am the creator of life. I hold the abilities of life and death therefore felt it the right time to bring your baby home.

God

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dustyn,

What can I say but sometimes life sucks. Sometimes through my life I feel that there is this constant barrage of destruction that heads my way. Every year around this time Robin and I seem to be left on our own in some way. I continue to come back to the promises of God to humanity to get me through those times. Promises like:

- I will never leave you
- I will never forsake you
- I will save you i you ask me to
- I love you and nothing could ever change that
- I have left someone to help you...the Holy Spirit

These are some of the promises that we must come back to in our times of struggle to remember who God is. When you seem lost and alone, go back to what you know to be true. If you are so far that you can't remember what you know, seek help for someone who can lead you to the truth you once knew.

Dustyn

A

On Sunday March 29th I spoke on Matthew 27:46 at Terra Nova because we have been going through a series called "Famous Last Words." Throughout this series we have been looking at the last words of Christ on the cross, my week entailed the verse where Christ calls out to God and says "Eli, Eli, Lamma Sabachthani? which means My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" As I looked at this verse we discussed the nature of Christ's call to God, and equated it with the call that many of us face throughout our lives.

It was interesting then when I looked at this weeks reading and saw that Robert Foster dealt with this same topic (wish I had known that before I spoke). Robert looks at the the prayer of the forsaken at a variety of aspects, and deals with the deep needs that humanity has when we enter into prayer to the almighty. Throughout this chapter I felt the love of God on myself and the understanding that He has when I am in the midst of conflict.

B

This was our first class for the Spring Quarter. I think that this will be a good class to discuss what prayer is, as well as the problems that I have with prayer. I sometimes have a difficulty understanding that prayer actually changes things. I pray and many times never really receive a direct answer. While there have been times that I knew that God responded, there are many more times that it seems God is entirely quiet and I wonder if I am praying to myself, or if there is a receptor somewhere receiving them. This class seems like a good place to discuss these apprehensions, and hear the apprehensions of others.

Today in class we started with morning devotions, there was some praying in unison as well as reading and response. These aspects of prayer are somewhat new to me. I have been to churches that practice these sort of liturgies, I have not taken a part in them consistently to know them very well. One thing that was a little awkward was a song praise from Africa that the class did together called umwema. Through my extensive time in South America I am used to doing songs like this, but it was different doing it in a classroom setting in America. I guess prayer should move me out of my comfort zone at times...

A

In Richard Foster's book entitled, Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home, he states on page 65, "As Winter Approaches each year, I like to watch our large maple in the backyard begin to lose its coverings of summer green and take on a funeral brown. As the leaves drop, one by one all of the irregularities and defects of the tree are exposed. The imperfections are always there, of course, but they have been hidden from my view by an emerald blanket. Now, however, it is denuded and desolate, and I can see its real condition."

How often do I hide my true self from others, and from God? I surround myself in an emerald blanket that doesn't allow anyone or anything to see the imperfections that I bear. I believe that somehow if my imperfections are seen I will be disliked or worse disowned. If I no longer bear my leaves, and the people I love can see my imperfections, what will I bear in their eyes instead? Or in the eyes of God? It is interesting that I know God to be existent everywhere all the time, yet I continue to think I can hide behind my leaves. The Psalmist in 139:7 says, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?"

Prayer:
God help me to be someone who is not affraid to let down his leaves and be authentic with You and with those around me. Assist me in being real to those around me and to myself as I continue through life. I pray Lord that as I am more authentic in my walk that it would encourage others to a higher level of authenticity in their lives as well. Thank you for being near me even when I don't realize it regardless of if my barriers are in place or if I stand before denuded and defective. Amen